Breaking up is Hard
to do…What I Learned from the Demise of my four-year relationship
Breaking up is something that is
pretty much inevitable. It’s something that we all have, or unfortunately will
encounter at some point in our lives. I have gone through six breakups in my
entire life. So when it was time to end my four-year long relationship with my
boyfriend this past January I should have been an expert in what to do and how
to deal right?...Wrong. You see one thing I’ve learned is that each breakup,
much like every relationship, is different. The purpose of me writing this blog
is not to bash my ex; my blog is about uplifting women of all ages and
backgrounds. In my journey to uplift I will often times use my own experiences
in the hopes of helping someone else no matter how hurtful or embarrassing
those experiences may be…and honey it can’t get more hurtful, embarrassing or
real than what I am about to describe to you.
My ex and I dated for four years.
We met my very first semester of college and his very last semester of college,
this of course made for an interesting start to our relationship. He was
preparing to enter the “real world” and I was just exiting freshman
orientation. We encountered some hiccups before we finally got serious with
each other nine months later, but we cared about each other enough to make it
work. During the span of our relationship we managed long distance, him in
Texas, me at school in Troy and there was also a period of time where I was in
Orlando for an internship with Disney. But, somehow we managed to come out
swinging and survive it all. If you’ve ever been in love and thought you were
with “the one”, this is what I thought my relationship was with my ex. We had
discussions of what parts of the country our careers would lead us, the number
of children we wanted, the wedding, vacations etc. I had never before felt so
comfortable in my own skin with another person and I couldn’t see my future
without him in it…again, I was dead WRONG.
Fast forward to January 2014…My
boyfriend was still at work and would not be home until midnight. I had
traveled to stay with him for the weekend and got to the apartment before he
was off. I had plans to wash my hair that night, so I went looking for towels.
My boyfriend had clear bins that held his items instead of a dresser so it
didn’t make it hard to find what I was looking for. I spotted one towel, but
needed another to dry my hair. I lifted up the bin in order to get to the other
towel I had spotted, but when I lifted up the top bin I saw several different
greeting cards. I picked the cards up and realized they were all from the same
girl. All of the cards were sent by this girl over a four-month period
expressing her love for MY boyfriend. Now, I had been at his apartment manyyyy
times by myself and never felt the need to snoop, finding the cards threw that
notion out of the window. I began searching the apartment more and came across
a bra…I had found all I needed. Four years of love, intimacy, hard-work,
companionship, time spent with families, planning and most importantly trust,
was thrown completely out of the window within a matter of minutes.
What followed was an episode of denials and lies. Over the
next few weeks I went back and forth with whether or not to spend the forever I
had planned with him, or trust that God had better for me and walk away, I
eventually chose the last option. However, coming to this decision was not
easy. I prayed A LOT and relied on the guidance and support of my family, close
friends and I even had a session with my therapist in the process of making my
decision.
I’m sharing this with you because
in the process of my hurt and pain I have learned sooooo much and if my story
can reach and help even one person then I have no problem sharing with you all.
Here is a list of everything I learned through the demise of our relationship:
1. The first time you feel the need to walk
away, WALK AWAY!
A former girlfriend of mine once
told me that the first time you feel the need to walk away, walk away because
you have that feeling for a reason. There were several occasions and
disagreements that were had during the course of our relationship that showed
me who I was dealing with, but I chose to ignore it foolishly.
2. The way a person treats you is NOT a
reflection on you…
What is a reflection of you is once you know better, you choose not to do
better.
3. Selfish people cannot prosper in a
relationship with another person.
If you’re dealing with a selfish person
just hang in the towel now because you can’t be selfish in any relationship let
alone a dating relationship and attempting to prepare for marriage.
4. Figure out what someone is capable AND
willing to give you and take it from there.
I realized very quickly that my boyfriend
wasn’t willing or able to give me the whole truth because he lacked integrity...
Couples have survived infidelity, but not lack of integrity.
5. Listen to what your loved ones have to say
about your significant other.
In the words of my best friend-“Everybody
and they mama don’t lie!” Sometimes you’re too invested and close to the
situation to pick up on the warning signs, but when several people have said
the SAME things it’s time to open your eyes and guard your heart.
6. Keep and nurture your relationship with God
so you can know what love is and what it isn’t.
This is an area I definitely slacked off
in. Had I been more into my word I would have recognized that our relationship, although some parts,
not all were representative of what love is meant to be, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.
7. Trust that God knows the desires of your
heart and has plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
In the process of making my decision I felt that I had two choices: I
could continue with the relationship and everything we had planned to be happy
temporarily, or I could be uncomfortable and sad for a little while and be
truly happy for the rest of my life with what God really has for me. The reason
I chose the second option is because once you realize that someone has no
desire to change, you have to make the decision to change and move forward.
8. NEVER settle for less and ALWAYS rise
above!
One of my favorite high school teachers told me this and it has stuck
with me. Figure out what you want and handle the situation with dignity and
class.
9.
You’re
STRONGER and more FABULOUS than you ever realized!
This one is pretty self-explanatory and describes ALL women who have
dealt with adversity at some point.
I sincerely hope that by me sharing this it has helped
someone with a similar situation or just to encourage you to know you’re worth.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions at moneycantbuystyleorsense@gmail.com.
In the following posts I’ll be writing more about how I was able to get over my
breakup and re-enter the dating scene.
Be BEAUTIFUL. Be FABULOUS. Be INSPIRED.
